We keep a knockin’ but we can’t get in
How can a one and a half hour journey, take 3 hours? I’ll tell you how. When we inadvertently lock the keys inside Gandalf is how.
Gandalf steadfastly refusing to open.
Here’s how it happened…
Gandalf, a.k.a a Volkswagen T5 Van, is designed with security in mind. This means that if you unlock young Gandalf and then decide not to get in, but forget to lock him again, he cleverly recognises that he is dealing with a forgetful owner and, after about 60 seconds locks himself. To save you the trouble.
So, we have established that Gandalf can recognise a forgetful owner. Unfortunately he cannot recognise if his owner is an idiot.
So, if the idiot owner (in this case me, Mrs P is entirely blameless in this whole sorry tale) accidentally sits on the the keys whilst say drinking coffee, sitting on the step of the open side sliding door, Gandalf spots that the ‘lock doors’ button has been pressed and does as he is instructed i.e. locks all the doors.
The side door is still open at this point, but clever, security minded Gandalf knows that as soon as the side door is closed he must lock all the doors because he has recognised what he thinks is a forgetful owner.
Meanwhile, back with the idiot. Too lazy to carry the keys when we are ready to leave, he simply throws them on to the drivers seat. Said idiot then walks round to get in (Why? How could that possibly save time or effort? Carry them you idle %#*¥!).
Our resident idiots aim is to walk round, open the door, pick up the keys and drive off. Mrs P (who, unlike Gandalf, realises that she is dealing with an idiot on a daily basis) is at this point oblivious to today’s dumb-ass stupidity. She only knows that we are leaving the car park where we had stopped to make coffee. She shuts the side door.
At almost, but not quite, exactly the same time the idiot by the driver’s door shouts;
“NO!”
Too late.
The idiot watches as Gandalf locks all the doors and sets the immobiliser, leaving the only set of keys taunting the idiot from the front seat.
In the circumstances the idiot does the only thing available to him and swears. A lot.
The view was lovely (if cold), but the language was shocking.
The idiot can also see the following. All tantalisingly out of reach inside the now unopenable Gandalf:
Keys - obviously
wallet
mobile phone
Fortunately Mrs P has her phone. On her. As I said, she knows she is only ever a few breaths away from at least one act of base idiocy so always keeps a method of communicating with sane people about her person. Yay Mrs P!
It is only a matter of minutes therefore before we are through to the marvellous RAC European phone helpline (who we sensibly took out cover with before coming away). They arrange for a car thief, sorry didn’t mean that.. try again… for a local hero to come out with some very clever gadgetry that allows him to open the door just enough to get a wire in and hook out the keys.
All done and dusted in a matter of minutes and all for the princely sum of just €80.
We love this man. Why is he not wearing a cape?
Our visions of smashed windows to get in and huge repair bills are unfounded.
I prostrate myself at the feet of the nice man and ask Mrs P how to say in French, “I bet you’re really good at those fairground games where you have to hook the prizes.” She reacts as she always does under such circumstances and ignores me.
Our journey can continue.
Mrs P has worked out a way of preventing a recurrence of this dreadful scenario. She has stapled the spare key to my forehead. Ouch!
