Mind your language
Once again we find ourselves in Spain. A country where our language skills leave quite a lot to be desired. It’s causing trouble with our diet.
Fortunately “coffee” is pretty much the same word everywhere
As I have said in previous posts over the years (fun fact: I have been writing a blog for 3 years now), Mrs P, bless her multilingual cotton socks, speaks pretty good French and German. I, whilst far from good at either language, am at least allowed out without a phrase book in France, now that Mrs P no longer worries I will either get myself arrested or inadvertently buy a helicopter.
Mostly we self-cater, but it’s been less comfortable since someone sawed the legs off our table.
I am better at German than French. However, because I learned most of my German phrases from the heavy metal band Rammstein, I struggle to have conversations that don’t involve either nightmares, bank robberies, or arson (click on the links to sample their glorious sounds). None of which are useful subjects when out shopping. Unless that is you are buying a Halloween costume, don’t want to pay and are carrying a flamethrower.
Sometimes you just know it’s time to eat out (it actually tasted much better than it looks)
Both Mrs P’s and my Spanish on the other hand is so bad that I get the cold sweats if we inadvertently go out without our phrase book.
Our method of ordering food for example is as follows:
We point at something on somebody else’s plate whilst frantically pointing at ourselves in the vain hope that we will be delivered two plates of whatever the hell we pointed at.
There is an alternative to this sorry state of affairs, but it takes time and I’m hungry now. The alternative goes something like this:
We sign ourselves up to Duolingo (other language learning sites are available) and learn to speak Spanish. Simple. After 2 weeks of Duolingo we could confidently walk in to any restaurant in Spain and say; “Juan come manzanas.” Now, whilst the staff would know with some certainty that “Juan (whoever and wherever he is) is eating apples” this phrase, in itself, would not get us that plate of calamari or a paella that we so crave. We need more phrases and fast. So, while we patiently wait for Spanish to miraculously teach itself to us, we are sticking to the good old, tried and tested, waving and pointing method.
That’s not to say that our Spanish isn’t improving. A new phrase or word each day e.g.
Cuanto cuesta el helicóptero - A table for two please
Una ganga. Compraré dos - A bargain. I’ll take two.
The language is also, perhaps, just maybe, becoming slightly less impenetrable when someone talks to us. However, we have a long way to go and certainly still run the daily risk of accidentally buying that helicopter.
Right, we’re here. Whose turn is it to do the pointy, wavy thing?
Our inability to speak Spanish, but willingness to learn can be illustrated by the following true life scenario…
I held a door open for a Spanish chap as he exited the toilets. He said: “Gracias.” I mouthed at him like a guppy gasping its last breath, entirely unable to remember the standard response. Just moments later, alone with my thoughts, I pondered his word of thanks. ‘What should my response have been?’ I thought. In German it is simply “bitte.” In French, “de rien” (lit: it is nothing). What do I say in Spanish?
Suddenly it comes to me. “De nada” (‘No problem’ lit: it is nothing). I toy with the idea of running after him, tapping him on the shoulder and, with a look of smug self-satisfaction, proudly saying, “de nada,” and running away.
I decide against this course of action as I would hate to put the poor chap off ever saying thank you to anyone ever again. Besides, by the time I have washed my hands while singing happy birthday he’ll be long gone.
To be honest I ordered an ice cream, but needs must…
And so dear reader, by floundering away with the standard words of ‘hola’ (hello), ‘dos’ (two - Always followed by frantic pointing at whatever it is we want 2 of), and baño (toilet - along with a different type of frantic pointing) plus any new phrases we may have learned in the preceding 24 hours, we do manage to eat.
My advice to you if you find yourself in a similar situation? Google translate.
