Wacky Races
Let the game commence
For those who don’t know, Wacky Races was an American cartoon series that ran from 1968-1969. Each episode sees its competitors race against each other in an eclectic mix of vehicles. Syndicated across the world and rehashed for TV and film its cast of crazy characters have become household names such as Penelope Pitstop and Dick Dastardly with his sidekick dog Mutley (he of the distinctive laugh - check it out it’s brilliant).
Why have I started this blog with a description of the Wacky Races? Because today (August 10th) we did our very own version. Also known as renting kayaks to travel down a particularly popular section of the Dordogne river in France..
This is how it works:
Mrs P auditions for a part in Deliverance 2 - Curley’s Return
At various times throughout the day thousands of people turn up at hundreds of canoe hire centres liberally spread along this particularly popular 25 km stretch of the Dordogne. Said people are kitted out with paddles, oars, life jackets and waterproof barrels, then loaded onto a variety of buses from 9 seater mini-buses to 52 seater coaches. In the case of the minibuses a trailer with canoes and kayaks is attached and the driver then takes off at a rate of knots in the general direction of upstream.
Now, these drivers are in a hurry because they want to get to the drop off point(s) before the other mini-buses and 52 seater coaches so they can deposit their clients before dashing back to collect the next group of willing victims. Sorry clients. These paddlers have only one instruction, paddle downstream until you get back to where you started. Then get out.
Storm clouds gather as we set off on our 22km paddle.
The paddlers are now on their own, from a health and safety point of view at least. Though certainly not from a river vessel point of view.
By 10am there are literally thousands of craft all drifting downstream.
A quiet day on the Dordogne
The craft vary in style and appearance and I can assure you that no expense is spared as each company seeks to find the very cheapest vessels that will stay afloat just long enough to survive a season, or preferably 10 seasons. No sleek water craft here. You are far more likely to see canoes that look like they have been used and abused for decades and kayaks that look like unstable bananas sitting high in the water and spinning wildly with each eddy.
The boats come in waves of about 50 or more. We know this as we sat on the bank for a while, only 1/2 hour after setting out, to sit out a brief rainstorm and drink coffee. We watched several of these raucous, frantic waves of river borne humanity pass us by. The crews screaming and squealing with either delight or terror (depending on their own personal world view) as their log jam of boats hurtled (read: drift aimlessly) down stream.
Between the waves were dotted the more sensible family boats, crewed by people carefully adjusting their speed to avoid catching up with the rabble in front whilst staying just ahead of the next mad crush of boats.
With views like this you can understand why this section of the river is so popular
(Château de Beynac)
Mrs P found us a nice quiet spot for lunch (Can you spot her?)
Competency levels varied greatly, from those who have kayaked/canoed before to the insanely incompetent. The latter were by far the most common and definitely provided the best entertainment value.
For example a canoe headed for our tiny beach, we assumed to join us, but no, they were simply encountering major steering problems. This was evident from the way the 3 occupants kept shouting “CATASTROPHE!” over and over. They hit the bank and one of the paddlers got/fell out only to scramble frantically back in again as the canoe, now going backwards, carried on downstream. The last we saw they were been dragged through trees and back out into open water. Still backwards and still laughing and shouting “CATASTROPHE!”
It’s amazing the shots you can get by simply setting the timer on your camera and throwing it up in the air!
Back on the water and we had to be careful. A boat that had been travelling innocuously alongside might suddenly turn 90 degrees and come straight at you. The occupants staring wild eyed as they desperately tried to rectify whatever the hell had gone wrong by pointlessly flailing at the water.
It is worth at this point telling you a little about the character of this particular stretch of the Dordogne river popular with tourists in canoes etc.
It’s a big old river, 50-60 metres and more across. It passes some stunning scenery and more castles than you could wave a stick at. It isn’t generally deep and has many very shallow sections caused by a buildup of pebbles which create very minor rapids. More like bumpy water than rapids these short sections were almost always easily avoidable by the even mildly competent. Cue more entertainment.
Mrs P approaching La Roque-Gageac
My favourites were the boats that went either sideways or backwards down these very minor bumps in the proverbial road. This is how it usually played out:
There are 3 people in a canoe. Person A. Person B and small child C. Person A is, if not competent, at least calm and relaxed about the approaching rough water. I mean this water is displaying nothing more than the kind of agitation you might see in your bath tub when stirring in a bath bomb. Person B is of a more delicate nature and sees death fast approaching in a veritable maelstrom of white water. Small child C sitting in the middle of the canoe continues to happily prod the water occasionally with a paddle deliberately designed to be too short to do any damage, oblivious to all around. Now person A knows that all will be fine as long as person B does not panic.
Person B (who clearly hasn’t read the memo) panics. Person B begins to paddle frantically. First left, then right, then backwards and then repeats each action as randomly and as quickly as possible over and over again. For a while person A is able to counter person B’s flailing but, all too soon, it becomes impossible and the canoe begins to slowly turn sideways. At this point both person A and C will often stop doing anything and simply drift serenely through the bumps and safely out the other side. Only to repeat the whole sorry process again in 200 metres when the next section of bumpy water springs up. Small child C by the way thinks this is all great fun and keeps shouting “Again! Again!” Previously unseen, small dog D lifts its head, looks around and laughs. Just like Mutley.
About as bumpy as it got.
We saw them all. Canoes going forwards (good); backwards (bad, but funny); sideways (bad but hysterical) and upside down (I know I shouldn’t but, really funny).
Yet another Lego castle hoves into view - Château de la Malartrie
It wasn’t all a kayak version of bumper cars. Past the Châteaus the river was serene and often quiet.
One of the many quiet sections
After 22km and about 5.5 hrs of gentle paddling we finally got back to our canoe hire place. We were thoroughly entertained whilst seeing some fantastic sights like La Roque-Gageac and the Château de Castelnaud-la-Chapelle.
We used Canoe Kayak Le Plongeoir, St.Cyprien.
We can thoroughly recommend them.
