Return to Planet Earth
Sunday 17th April 2022
I have now been home for one week and one whole day and it is a little over a week since the trip finished. Trond and I finally stood beneath the statute at Nordkapp on Thursday 7th April. I think it is high time that I told you all about how life has been during this weird week and a bit. I should alsoo tell you what comes next and maybe give you some reasons to continue reading the blog.
Trond and I flew back to Oslo from Hammerfest via Tromsø on Friday the 8th April. It was not an uneventful journey, but I shall gloss over that. Between flights in Tromsø we briefly visited Trond’s brother-in-law, who is also called Trond at his office (apparently all men in Norway not called Bjorn are called Trond. Or did I dream that?). A quick bite to eat and a whistle stop tour of the down town area just made me want to return one day.
Flying out of Hammerfest (Apparently that’s what spring always looks like)
A brief visit to downtown Tromsø just whets the appetite for a future visit
Back in Oslo there is little snow on the ground except in sheltered areas, which is quite a shock after seeing nothing but snow every day since my arrival in Norway at the end of December, almost 3 1/2 months ago. Wow! It’s a long time to live in a snow filled world if you are not used to it. It’s also a long time to be away from home and away from Mrs P. That night I was so excited I was unable to sleep. In the early hours I eventually gave up trying and got up and packed my bags for my flight which wasn’t until late that afternoon.
Hey ho, that leaves plenty of time to visit the breakfast bar. Several times. But, what’s this!? The hotel provide just tiny, tiny plates. Barely even side plates. They have no normal sized plates. That’s a whole fried egg taking up about 1/4 of the plate in the next photo. Ridiculous!. It meant that I visited the breakfast bar about 8 times instead of the expected 4. I consumed extra calories doing this so added a ninth visit for luck. I wouldn’t have minded if it was a cheap hotel, but it was far from cheap. Boy did I have a go when they requested feedback . Their reply went something like this (admittedly I am reading between the lines):
Dear Greedy English man,
We value your feedback and have noted your complaint about our ridiculously small plates. We will pretend to be concerned, but the truth is that we really don’t care. Besides, our staff noted that the size of plate did not stop you visiting the breakfast bar on multiple occasions. Have you considered going on a diet?
Best Regards
Customer complaints. Radisson Blu Hotel, Oslo
And, they didn’t serve waffles! Probably the only hotel in the whole of Norway that does not serve waffles!
Plates for children only at the Raddison Blu hotel at Oslo Airport
I arrived back at Heathrow Airport shortly after 5pm that day and finally got to see the lovely Mrs P in person. After what felt like an eternity apart.
Mrs P desperately trying to put a mask on in the hope that I won’t recognise her (she hates this photo)
Me, wondering what happened to the paparazzi
Driving home I kept exclaiming how green everything looked. I felt that I needed sunglasses just to look at the grass.
Life in a post expedition bubble
Since my arrival home I have been in a bit of a bubble. I mean, how do you deal with the change back to ‘normality'‘? The world has continued to revolve despite my absence. To a different tune perhaps, but revolving nevertheless.
Mrs P’s life has got on with life. She has fixed the vacuum cleaner (watched a YouTube video), repaired a fence (with the help of a friend), done an amazing job with the garden (it’s never looked so good) and, despite all these demonstrations of independence, still seems genuinely pleased to have me back even after a whole week. She even says -Trond and David please take note - that I don’t snore! I am truly a very lucky man and she is truly had of hearing.
Even now, 7 days after my arrival home I find the greens and other colours of home so intensely bright. Beautiful. A stark contrast to the black and white world from which I came. The smells too. There’s not much to smell in wintertime Norway except the smell of smoke in the huts, that very particular smell of the inside of a tent that anyone who has spent any time in one will know so well. Those are the pleasant ones. Less pleasant smells are the smell of a too often used sleeping bag and clothes too little washed and exhaust fumes of passing ski scooters. Back home here in England spring is well under way and the smells are myriad; the lovely smell as you pass huge fields filled with oil seed rapes yellow flowers; freshly cut grass; clean clothes.
Then there’s the noises. In Norway the sound of grouse is the most memorable and common sound I will remember. Otherwise it was the wind, the shoosh, shoosh of skis and the distant voice of Trond saying, “why do you ski so slowly with the pulk?” I shall miss those sounds terribly. Here the birds are all chattering away attracting mates. Blackbirds, tits, robins etc. And the insects, bees buzzing away. There are insects everywhere. Life is everywhere and it all demands to be heard. With the notable exception of the planes coming in to land at Heathrow airport, they are all great to hear.
I kind of miss Trond too. We got on very well. I miss our discussions, the laughs we had and his company.
Even after 16 years I’m still Mrs P’s hero
Me? Well, I spent the first 7 days utterly exhausted. A wave of tiredness hit me pretty much the moment I got home. I was in bed at 8pm most nights and sleeping for 10-12 hours. I was (and still am) permanently hungry.
Brown cheese and Kaviar for breakfast. Trond would be proud.
I was so tired that when Mrs P and I went out for a short bike ride I had to ask her to slow down. I just couldn’t keep up.
I finally caught up with Mrs P at the coffee shop where I decided to carb up before the ride home
There is very little on the internet about recovering from long expeditions, but what illtle there is says.
Expect to be tired for a couple of weeks
Eat and sleep
Exercise gently and try to do a different exercise to that done on the expedition
I bet Trond’s not tired. I send him a message. He says he’s not tired…
“…just feeling lazy.”
That’s tired right?
My exhaustion lasted 6 days. I almost fell asleep at Mrs P’s parents house one evening and had to go to bed. I could barely keep my eyes open. However, by the 7th day (Friday 15th) I started to feel less exhausted. I went for a walk for a couple of hours with a friend. Oh, ok one hour plus an hour drinking coffee. But I didn’t feel tired that evening for a change. Yesterday, Saturday 16th April, I managed a 32 mile (I’ve gone back to imperial measurements - 52km for those who prefer them) bike ride with friends and didn’t embarrass myself and today we kayaked for an hour and so far I am still awake. I take this as a good sign.
There are many theories about this tiredness, but the most logical (and Mrs P would say, ‘blatantly obvious’) is that my body has just done between 8 and 13 hours of exercise for 59 days with almost no rest. It has spotted that I have finally stopped and is saying, “Hang on. Does this mean I can recover? I think I may shut everything down for a while and take a rest. Care to join me?”
I have lost about 10lbs, or 4kg. Which isn’t too bad since I managed to put on about 4 or 5 lb before I left, so I have really only lost about 6 or 7lbs, or 3kg. I’m quite pleased with that. We were probably burning between 5 and 6,000 calories per day, so our (Read: Trond’s) insistence on eating well at all times and carrying extra butter, cheese, salami, bread etc. paid off.
So, for the last few days I have been taking it easy. Sleeping a lot. Eating a lot. Chilling out and meeting up with friends. I have also unpacked.
My unwashed kit being used to fertilise the garden.
Keep your eyes open for an illustrated kit list at some point in the future.
I’ve plans for some follow up blogs and updates to the website.
I’ve also sent my final audio diaries to both BBC Hereford & Worcester and BBC Berkshire along with a short video of our arrival at Nordkapp.
Big News
Well, I think it’s big news. This coming Thursday (21st April), I am heading up to the BBC Radio Hereford and Worcester studio to be interviewed on the Kate Justice show between 7pm and 7.30 pm. It’s all very exciting (assuming I pass a lateral flow test before I arrive).
What next?
Well, what I really want to do is spend some time writing the book. Hopefully that can happen. However, I have not worked for over a year due to the long covid thing and we must consider our finances. I may have to get some work (Aaarrrggghhh!). I have a huge amount of material for the book. The blog, daily diaries, audio diaries, photos and of course, memories. Watch this space for further updates and more information on the trip on such exciting subjects as:
Kit
Meet Borge (Some would say the fourth member of the party) - You’ll just have to read the blog if you want to find out who the heck he is
The good, the bad and the downright ugly of decisions and plans before and during the trip
Musings from a post expedition world.
Until then, do tune in to BBC radio Hereford and Worcester on Thursday evening (also available after the show via the BBC iPlayer) and BBC Radio Berkshire all this week for more audio diaries on the Andy Jones Show. Also, keep your eyes peeled for future blogs via the subscribe button.
Just because it’s over doesn’t mean I’ll shut up.
